i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
