I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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