She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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