Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
