$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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