Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
