I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
