You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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