Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
