Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
