Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize