my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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