I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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