Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
