Nicole vs. Life
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
