My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think my fart just growled at me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
