I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
