At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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