I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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