so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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