FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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