I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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