dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my poor anus
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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