I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
