So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
