I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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