They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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