2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A+ Viking dick
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
