I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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