Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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