my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
