in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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