i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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