I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He felt like a one man threesome
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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