At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
