are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
