My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
