we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
