I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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