I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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