saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
