I take back everything I said about communal showers
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
