you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
