whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
