You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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