More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
