ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize