What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
