okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
