He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm both gender and math confused
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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