.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize