remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
