Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
