I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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