Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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