after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
