did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
