you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
