did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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