What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
