We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
