Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
