i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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