i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
