Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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