I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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