You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
