I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
