If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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