The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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