I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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