Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
