i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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