I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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