I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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