I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
